Healing does not happen in the past. Healing happens in the today and the tomorrow.
We have a tendency to associate healing with trying to mend what happened in the past—we tend to focus all of our energy into making sense of what happened. We dive deep into the pain and then stay there. We often crave some sense of closure and believe that said closure will be the final knot on the box enclosing all of our pain and heartbreak. And though we think that focusing on the pain will help us make peace with the past, perhaps the reason that healing is so hard is because we forget to focus on the now.
We forget that we still have a life to live—a life that is waiting for us. We spend so much time looking back that we start to feel stuck. Our whirlwind of thoughts are all centered on what we could have done differently, or whether we could still try again. We wonder if it’s too late to fix everything and start again. We wonder if maybe this was all a misunderstanding, and that by analyzing each memory reel one-by-one, we will be able to solve the missing piece. We will be able to piece our heart back together by running back to yesterday. And I think this is what makes healing so difficult—this tendency to try to rewind time, rather than to look ahead and discover what will come next.
This coping mechanism of focusing on the hurt and the pain of the past is not by any means bad or wrong—it’s only human to focus on our heartbreak or our loss because the feeling is so all-consuming. Pain is rarely silent. But sometimes this tendency to stay stuck in time is what prevents us from truly moving on. And the idea of truly moving on is daunting—we don’t know what is to come on the other side of the bridge, or if we will ever reach comfortable, solid land again. And if we are honest with ourselves, most of the time, we don’t actually want to know what lies on the other side. We would rather go back in time to our old familiar story, where life was cozy and comforting, and to a time when our hearts had not yet been exposed to such pain.
But a very crucial, defining element of healing is rooted in what we do next. Healing does not happen in the past. Healing happens in the today and the tomorrow. True healing is investing our heart in the new narrative we intend to write—the next story we intend to tell. We heal by creating a new beginning, starting from precisely where we are today. So how do we heal and move forward in life?
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Recognizing and accepting your emotions is the first step toward healing. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or confusion without judgment.
2. Seek Support
Reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and understanding. Talking about your experiences can help you process them.
3. Practice Self-Care
Engage in activities that promote physical and mental well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that you enjoy.
4. Set Goals
Establish short-term and long-term goals to give yourself direction and a sense of purpose as you move forward.
5. Embrace Change
Understand that change is a natural part of life. Embracing new opportunities can lead to personal growth and healing.
6. Reflect and Learn
Take time to reflect on your experiences. Consider what you’ve learned and how you can apply those lessons to future situations.
7. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help you stay grounded and reduce anxiety about the future.
8. Let Go of the Past
Work on forgiving yourself and others. Holding onto past grievances can hinder your ability to move forward.
9. Seek Professional Help
If you’re struggling to cope, consider seeking help from a therapist. Taking care of your mental health is equally important as physical health.
We have to be brave enough to hope that the present and the future will be just as good as the past. And when we realize that we have so much space for beauty and goodness coming for us, we reclaim our lives. We have to learn to march forward in life, with hope by our side.
In time we will see that the world is full of new beginnings. Twists and turns. Wonder and awe. And we’ll be thankful that we didn’t give up. Because we will have made it to the other side of the bridge, and the view is quite astounding.
nILOFAR IYER
will have made it to the other side of the bridge, and the view is quite astounding.
Gratitude
Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your perspective and foster a sense of hope.
Conclusion
Healing is a personal journey that takes time and effort. By implementing these strategies, you can begin to move forward and embrace a brighter future.
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